Where do I even begin?
First off, if you're reading this I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU for taking the time.
It's been a minute since I've released some new music and I can't lie, I've been nervous. I don't know how to exactly describe my feelings with my own music lately, but I know that I've been in my head a lot. With my last album, #BBS, I was very focused on the theme and what I wanted that album to say. Even if I didn't dig deep enough into my own story or if the concepts went over people's head, I still accomplished a lot of goals I set out for myself with that project. From there I felt some pressure to deliver, to keep up my momentum, and I started thinking too much, or maybe I didn't think enough in the past. I also really started to get affected heavily by everything happening in the U.S. recently with Police Brutality, Black Lives Matter, and an increased sense of racism in the air. Like how can I be out here yelling "party and bullshit" when some real shit is happening every day, and I have an outlet to say something as rapper, and a white one at that.
Taking time to reflect on the last 9 years of releasing music, I just know moving forward I want my music to mean something. Even if I never reach the heights of success I once hoped for, I just want to make good music, music that people can resonate with and feel in their soul. Since I moved I've been taking a lot of time to figure out what I want my next step to be, musically and personally. When I decided to leave Portland for The Bay I didn't have a plan and that hindered my progression. I stopped releasing music, I detached myself from my former life, and just took a breath. The first year away from home I learned a lot about myself, tried to force myself to mature and deal with some of my own personal issues - most of them regarding my selfishness and how that affects the relationships in my life. Everything changed when I moved and I don't think I was ready for that.
To be honest I don't know when I wrote this song but I know it's something I've been feeling for a long time. The words "for all the times you doubted me, you know you brought the best out of me" seems like it's been a theme in my life, and probably for a lot of other people as well. With music, I always felt like I had to prove myself - to my city, to my family, to pretty much anyone that ever listened to my music or came out to a show. Even when I had success, I wanted more, I wanted to prove I could do it. I always wanted to prove my doubters wrong, prove I didn't need anybody, and I could win myself. I tried to use all the people that ever doubted me in life as my motivation, almost to the point where I started listening to the doubt and found myself fighting all my battles alone. I'm pretty stubborn I guess. I feel like this frame of mind can work, but only for so long until it becomes unhealthy, it's a fine line. For me THANK YOU speaks on a personal relationship in my life, our ups and downs, and wanting to prove my partner wrong whenever she said I wouldn't do this or do that. But it's not only this one relationship, it represents a lot of people in my life. Sometimes you really have to thank those people, or issues, that put you through hard times, because it makes you stronger in the end. Even if you can't see it at first, it's our adversities that shape as people, and lord knows I've see a couple of those in my life. For me this song is therapy, a reflection of the hard times that pushed me to get where I'm at today. And I still have so much more to work, so much more to accomplish but this is just a pause and a recognition, dedicated to anyone that has ever helped you in life, good or bad. THANK YOU wasn't really meant to be a single or anything but I just felt like the time was right with a lot of things that aren't going on in my life right now.
Hopefully you guys can relate.
Thank you to Stewart Villain for keeping me laced with beats, being an extremely talented artist, and good friend over the last few years. Shout out to Farnell Newton for being an inspiration, mentor, and overall a positive figure in general in the music community. (Farnell is my secret weapon man, I love hearing those horns on my songs!) Thank you to Erikka J for being such a professional and knocking out her parts super quickly and dealing with all my requests lol. Also shout out to DJ Flip Flop for mixing and Dyllyn Greenwood and the photo.
Hope you guys enjoy, sorry for the rant!